L.A. McLeod, California Artist & Writer
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Like Me

7/6/2021

24 Comments

 
Picture
Oh, the cluelessness of youth. I cringe now.

In my defense, I didn’t have much context for understanding the aging process. My compact world consisted mostly of people who looked like me. I was Normal. My siblings and friends were Normal.  My grandparents were Old. My parents? Well, they were timeless, like a sequoia.

In the rare moments that I thought about the difference between the elderly and myself, I saw them as other. A separate species. The species of Old. You were either Old or you were Not Old. People who were Old had somehow always been Old.  That was their kind. In my robust ignorance, I could no more identify with their strange physical appearance than I could a mollusk or mole.    

As a young adult, I recall meeting a cheerful woman at church who had deep vertical lines on the left side of her face. Shocked, I thought, “How on earth did that happen? How could she have let herself get like that?”  I was sure she had made a conscious decision—or at least neglected a critical element of self-care—that allowed the wrinkles to form on one side of her face.
​
Father, forgive me. After more than four decades behind a steering wheel, I now have vertical lines forming on the left side of my face, where the sun has beat down on it many more times as driver than passenger.  I can almost hear God chuckling. 
 
When my husband and I were newlyweds, our neighbor, Dolly, was an octogenarian who had never married. Shy and sweet, she always wore a tidy dress, faux pearls at her neck, and a snowy white up-do.  I sensed even then that Dolly was not old, but rather a young woman who had just lived a long time. 

My dad and I had many conversations about the issue of aging when he was in assisted living near my home. At 88 with encroaching memory loss, he looked in bemusement at his deteriorating body, wondering—as I had—what had happened.  
He spread his life-worn hands out before him, turning them this way and that. “I don’t feel old,” he observed.

No one does.

According to the Harvard Business Review (Your Messaging to Older Audiences Is Outdated, by Hal Hershfield and Laura Carstensen, July 2, 2021), “Most older people refer to ‘older people’ in the third person…they report feeling subjectively younger than they actually are. Seventy-year-olds report feeling as much as 15 to 20% younger than their chronological age.”

The reality is our bodies age gradually but inexorably. Even the most rigorous fitness and beauty regimen can only stave off the inevitable for a time. Yet inside, our spirits remain engaged, curious, vibrant. I believe that’s because we were designed for eternity; and as our bodies no longer look, work, or feel like they “should,” our soul leans into it, like a horse straining against bit and bridle towards home.  

In a quote (sometimes attributed to C.S. Lewis), author George Macdonald wrote, “Never tell a child, ‘You have a soul.’ Teach him, ‘You are a soul; you have a body.’ …The body is but the temporary clothing of the soul.”

Old, young, or somewhere in the messy continuum between, we can look into the eyes of another and connect to one like us. We’ll find beauty, kinship, and—perhaps—a hint of eternity.  
24 Comments
Denise P
7/6/2021 06:29:44 pm

I resonate with this so much. As i approach being 57 in a few weeks, I look into the mirror and see the graying hair, the lines in my face. I’m facing a knee replacement, surely that’s for old folks, not people like me, right? My body may be aging , but my spirit is younger than ever!!!

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Leslie McLeod
7/9/2021 01:35:29 pm

Amen, Denise!

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Kay J Miller
7/6/2021 06:47:35 pm

You really hit the nail on the head. In my mind I'm still 35 but my body constantly (and irritatingly) reminds me that I'm not. But OLD? NEVER!

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Leslie McLeod
7/9/2021 01:36:38 pm

Never indeed, girlfriend!

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Becky F.
7/7/2021 07:06:21 am

Thank you, sweet Les. The truth - written beautifully.

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Leslie McLeod
7/9/2021 01:38:42 pm

Thank you Bec! Hugs!

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Amy Lively link
7/7/2021 07:23:07 am

Good to know I'm not alone in my "perceived age" issue as my body - and soul! - presses toward eternity!

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Leslie McLeod
7/9/2021 01:39:51 pm

Not alone, believe me! ❤

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Zs
7/7/2021 07:48:45 am

Beautifully written by a beautiful soul. Thank you, Leslie, this was just what I needed today!!

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Leslie McLeod
7/9/2021 01:40:42 pm

You are a beautiful soul, too, my friend.

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Carol LaCorte
7/7/2021 11:29:12 am

As Mom's arthritis stealthily creeps up on me, I'm constantly questioning what happened to my body, and when can I go back to normal? Your writing hit the nail on the head, and couldn't have been more timely. Love it, and love you!

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Leslie McLeod
7/9/2021 01:43:22 pm

Didn't know about the arthritis... so sorry, honey. Yep, I hear you.

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Nancy Stern
7/9/2021 07:58:58 am

I tell people how old I am (69 1/2) because I feel childlike. Reading your words is so true. I recently had that moment when I looked at me and wondered where had time gone. I want others to understand how precious life is no matter what age, mentally or physically, we are and we should embrace those around us letting them know we love, hear and see them. Thank you for making my Friday!

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Leslie McLeod
7/9/2021 01:45:04 pm

Precious for sure. I'm happy to make your Friday :)

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Peggy Bodde link
7/9/2021 11:55:29 am

"I believe that’s because we were designed for eternity; and as our bodies no longer look, work, or feel like they “should,” our soul leans into it, like a horse straining against bit and bridle towards home."

Your writing has me in tears today as we struggle to care for my fiercely independent mom-in-law who has always been an athlete and careful of her appearance and who at 88 is finding "Old" the only significant challenge she's ever faced. The sentence you wrote - above - describes how I feel many days. I'm straining to be present in His calling but my heart's desire is to go home.

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Leslie McLeod
7/9/2021 01:47:29 pm

Oh Peggy... so hard. It's a privilege to lend my words to your heart. Prayers for MIL

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Debbie
7/9/2021 02:13:59 pm

This touched my heart , I remember my Dads words when he’d look around at this children , that being us, and say… We too were once young ❤️

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Leslie
7/10/2021 04:08:16 pm

Yes, they had so much they wanted us to understand, didn't they? But we really couldn't until we walked a few more miles. I bet you miss him a lot.

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Jess Leigh
7/9/2021 07:06:20 pm

I'm moisturizing!!!

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Leslie McLeod
7/10/2021 03:15:34 am

Atta girl!

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Maryann
7/10/2021 06:44:02 am

Oh my goodness, I too looked at "old people" as a breed all their own. I have looked at aging entertainment celebraties and wondered why on earth they let themselves go, after all they were so so beautiful only a decade or two or three ago. Such a startling reality aging is. It does feel as if something is terribly wrong and we surely must do something about it. I often think about how much coaching we got in school about the changes that come with puberty and wondering why nobody warned us about menopause. Clearly it's alot more shocking! I guess it's best we be surprised; first of all I don't think we'd of believed it and if we did, we might be looking to take a long leap of a short pier.🙃
The hardest part is the anxiety that comes from the thoughts like "I better... before it's too late." This while the speedometer of my pedometer keeps loosing miles per hour, and more naps are sure to be the reality of my future.

I so enjoyed this article. I am still laughing over your: "I could no more identify with their strange physical appearance then I could with a mullosk or a mole." 😂 I literally laughed out loud!
I can attest to the fact that I am astonished at that strange physical appearance that I see when there is no shower fog on the bathroom mirror.
"While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it's not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies.... God Himself has prepared. 2Corinthians 5:4-5 NLT (Speaks for me!)

Beautifully done my dear friend!

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Leslie
7/10/2021 04:05:48 pm

Thank you, Maryann! Lol, you're right! Just as well to keep it on the low-down before we see it all on the low-down!

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Janis Dorstewitz
7/11/2021 12:34:41 pm

Leslie, You spoke to me today. I lookin the mirror and see a changing face mellowed and softened through years of experieces, tears and much joy. I am feeling grateful to be 72 and still able to visit and hold my 91 year old mothers hand. Aging is a gift if we allow it to be.

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Leslie McLeod
7/15/2021 07:36:28 pm

That's the voice of seasoned wisdom, Cousin. Thank you for that beautiful perspective.

Reply



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